Making Peace with Fear


Many say that the opposite of fear is love, and that we need to choose love over fear. To that I say, “How does one do that?” It’s a nice quip saying, that sounds true. But in my experience true fear cannot be jumped from into Love’s arms. No, in my experience, Love reaches out to us, often when we least expect it and in that place, all is nothing but love.

To tell someone that they need to choose love over fear is giving them another impossible task at which to fail and further berate themselves for another failing. I cannot say how Love comes, but it does. In some quiet moment, in some bursting audacious sunrise, in a lover’s touch, in the scent of lilacs in bloom. And it may not come today or tomorrow, or the next, or the next. It may feel as though love has abandoned you and fear will be your partner for life. I too have been there, for much longer than I would like.

I wish we learned from the seasons in a real way. If we saw ourselves as part of nature and not above it, we might learn that we are just like it. That winter in some places lasts a long time. And it is dark and cold and frozen. We could look at the frozen wasteland and cry out “Why?” And you would be right to object - winter is fucking cold, and we could die! There is not much one can do, but try to stay warm. And yet, it happens again and again each year, as though it were meant to be. And then, one day, it is gone again and warmth returns.

It could be that darkness has a vital place in our lives. It could be that this place does not need escaping from at all. It could be that in that dark, barren wasteland, we are still held, until the sun rises again.